Readers Note: This is an account from a recent client experience, written in the first person.

In 1988, four years after acquiring the virus we now know as HIV, I began to experience a continuous, unrelenting fatigue. This is what I have dubbed my “brain frog,” which has continued to persist to this day, for thirty-two years.

During those years, I have consulted with a multitude of medical professionals, and none have been able to ascertain whether my chronic malaise has been caused by the virus, the medications, depression, trauma, or a combination of them all.

Searching for Psychedelic Treatments

After years of searching for answers —everything from brain scans to exercise to meditation to antidepressants— I stopped being concerned with what caused the fatigue. I just wanted to feel even just five percent more “alive.”

In recent years, I finally decided to entirely stop looking even for a remedy. I resigned myself to the idea that this was going to be how the rest of my life would be. And I tried to adjust to that.

Then I began to hear about psychedelic treatments, and that gave me new hope.

Choosing Mindbloom

After a year of doggedly pursuing clinical trials with psychedelic medicines, to no avail, a colleague who knew I had been interested in ketamine treatment told me about Mindbloom.

From the very start of my journey with Mindbloom, in October 2020, I have been impressed with the staff’s professionalism, knowledge, and care. I felt safe, which, in my mind, was of utmost importance, since I really didn’t know what to expect of ketamine as a psychedelic medicine.

Preparing for the First Treatment

The Support Team

Mindbloom provided me with a step-by-step treatment plan. The first step was choosing a virtual “guide” from Mindbloom’s list – someone who has been trained to answer questions and to be a steady person of support during the first four sessions. The next step was to choose one of Mindbloom’s clinicians, who assessed that this treatment would be appropriate and safe for me.

I had assumed that I would be going into a clinic for my treatments, and that the ketamine would be delivered through infusion. Because of COVID-19, Mindbloom was providing their support virtually —through Zoom conferencing— and the medicine came in the form of lozenges.

The Kit

I was both impressed, and a bit humored, by the “Bloombox” kit that Mindbloom sent for my initial treatment. Along with the lozenges, there was the largest eye mask I had ever seen, a wrist heart monitor, a Mindbloom journal, a pen… and a pack of Listerine strips. A thoughtful touch.

After dissolving the lozenges in your mouth for seven minutes, one is instructed to spit the remaining liquid into a vessel. The Listerine strips are there for those who want to dispel the taste of the medicine, for that “fresh breath feeling.”

Beginning the Journey

The Basics

With an emphasis on safety, Mindbloom requires that a supportive individual called a Peer Treatment Monitor be nearby (in another room, perhaps). This is often a friend or family member who checks on you during the journey, every fifteen minutes, and gently rouses you when the hour’s treatment is up.

This was such an important part of the experience for me. Knowing that a friend was in the living room (along with my two cats), while I was in my bedroom eyemasked, headphoned, and on a psychedelic with which I had no experience, enabled me to relax and “go for the ride.”

Whenever I felt slightly anxious during the session, for whatever reason, I could relax knowing that I was safe with a trusted friend nearby.

First Treatment

For my initial treatment, Mindbloom’s clinician prescribed my first dose based on a clinical evaluation. I didn’t know what to expect with this dose, but knew I was in good hands with their clinical guidance.

After talking with my guide, I learned Mindbloom provides choices of music tracks to listen to during the session. Some music tracks are specifically chosen for each step of the treatment, and range from “binaural beats” to the sound of a consistent heartbeat.

I chose to listen to the music they provided. With the ebb and flow of the music’s intensity, together with the peak of the ketamine’s efficacy, the psychedelic element began to emerge. With the eye mask tightly covering my eyes, I could see the “sky” opening up above me, as I shot into space and rocketed among the stars. At another point, I was floating above the tall buildings of Manhattan. These images never frightened or alarmed me. I never felt disassociated from my body (though this ultimately can become the goal, in a sense, in later sessions).

For the initial session, I wanted to feel safe. And I did. I knew that I could, at any time, take off the eye mask and the headphones and stand up. That knowledge, together with my friend in the other room, allowed me the freedom to enjoy the experience and to take in whatever images or feelings came forth.

During my initial treatment, some images of memory did emerge: images of childhood, and of people somewhat forgotten, in the back of my mind. Phrases, such as “let go,” also appeared, It felt like an exploration into a new world, and it was even joyous. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace.

After-effects

The insights I had during the treatment lingered through the week. My fatigue remained unabated, but I knew that this was a process. And I looked forward to my second treatment, the following week.

Continued treatments

The psychedelic aspect of the second session was similar to the first after adjusting the medicine’s dosage. But now I was totally comfortable with the experience, and I kept saying, to myself, “Show me more.” I was eager to gain insight. But I was also not paying attention to the suggestion of stillness: instead of letting each experience just happen, I was forcing them, wanting to see more, to experience more, to have more insight.

By the third and fourth sessions, phrases such as “trust,” “be open,” “peace”, and “opening my heart” now accompanied the ever-present “let go.” Certain musical passages would bring on memories as well: the sound of children laughing, the ringing of a bell. But, through it all, I knew I was always in control of my body.

During the period of these first treatments, Mindbloom also introduced me to a series of “Integration Circles.” These were Zoom meetings, in which a handful of clients from across the country took to discuss our experiences. I found these sessions to be extremely useful, and I found it interesting to hear others’ stories, realizing that my experience was both unique and universal.

Going Deeper

Following my fourth session, after a month’s hiatus, I decided to do another four sessions. What Mindbloom refers to as “Going Deeper”. The clinician again adjusted my dosage based on our clinical conversation.

These four sessions continued along the same path as the first four, yet the adjusted dose did, indeed, bring with it a sense of going deeper: deeper insights, a greater sense of peace, and more fodder to include in my post-treatment integration. Gratitude, a concept I struggle with, became more of a reality to me, and I embraced it.

What Next?

Having completed eight sessions, I now am assessing what’s next for me. While I have not experienced the ultimate cure for my fatigue, I have accessed tools to lessen the accompanying depression.

The key is in the integration. And it is up to me to follow through with it. Like any integration, using the insights from ketamine treatment is like going to the gym, or eating right. It is a muscle. And by integrating journaling, meditating, and using these tools in everyday life, it makes sense that positive results will follow.

Through treatment, I experienced a bit of happiness and color to break up the grey in my world. And that counts for a lot, especially during the modern reality of pandemic quarantining. I feel stronger, knowing that I am continuing to try and find new ways out of my fatigue. In other words, I have a renewed hope.

During the final audio recording of my eight-session journey, the narrator gives some suggestions for the mind, body, heart, and soul. He ends with:

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. The journey is all we have, in the end.”

When clients come to Mindbloom, they’re often looking for an anxiety or depression breakthrough they haven’t been able to receive through other therapeutic methods or medicines. 

Psychedelic therapy is a science-backed modality that can be effective in managing and treating symptoms related to these conditions, and the associated challenges that come with them. With guided, high-touch therapeutic ketamine therapy programs, clients can achieve the mental health breakthroughs they’re seeking, no matter how great or small.

The story below follows a client’s recent journey through The Basics program here at Mindbloom. They worked through significant anxiety, which had evolved as a result of their lifestyle and a recent traumatic breakup.

As part of the client’s consent to share their story, they asked to remain anonymous. We respect and uphold their desire to protect their privacy. Their story is taken from a follow-up check-in after completing their first course of treatment.

— — —‍

What was your experience and life like before starting with Mindbloom?‍

My body was shutting down from stress, and I was overwhelmed with this kind of depression, and I had never experienced anything like this before. I was just trying to get through each day, occupying as much time as I could. When I wasn’t, my mind would just go to this sad place that I had never experienced before.

The thing that got me [to Mindbloom] was interesting… was having a normal year before lockdown came and things got interesting. As things started to normalize, I met someone in the late spring, and I had never experienced anything like it. We were going to be engaged… and then a week later said she couldn’t do it anymore. All the things she said/did she outwardly denied. At the time, it was a very emotionally traumatic experience.‍

How did you first make the decision to start with Mindbloom?‍

Mindbloom came to me and it was exactly what I needed, when I needed it. So I signed up and got started with this. Prior to the experience, before I got started with Mindbloom, things were really tough. I embraced a whole picture of what my future would look like, and just like that it was gone. It felt like my life had been taken away, everything was out of my control, and I had never experienced that before.‍

Were there any hesitations before making the decision to begin?‍

[Making the decision to begin Mindbloom] couldn’t have been easier. I had never experienced psychedelic medicine before, but a lot of people in my group had, and I was curious, but never acted on it. I saw this ad for Mindbloom, and I was hooked —I knew it was what I needed, when I needed it.

The only hurdle getting started was that my first clinician wasn’t available for about a month after I signed up, and I just couldn’t wait. The physical manifestations of the chronic stress and emotional trauma was overwhelming my body, and I literally just couldn’t wait to start. They got me connected with my Guide, and we arranged a first session with a different clinician sooner.‍

A Note from Mindbloom: We recognize and embrace our client feedback —it’s part of what helps Mindbloom grow too!  We’ve since upgraded our capacity, and are able to get everyone up and running quickly after their initial consult and approval with the clinician. You’re also paired with a Guide, who helps make every step of the process as seamless as possible, including any hesitations or potential roadblocks you may face.‍

How did your experience with the initial sessions go?‍

I had no idea what to expect, I had never experienced something like this before. But I was really excited, I took it seriously. I had my intention, I had no idea what to expect, am I going to see things, feel things? 

The best way I can describe it, is for me: each session is an ultra-meditative experience, you can let go of thoughts and ideas much faster and much more effectively than in traditional meditation. What’s so cool about the medicine is that it unlocks your unconscious and subconscious. It releases these amazing perspectives and ideas that you can’t unlock on your own, this just brings it into your awareness.

That first session was absolutely magical. I was having thoughts of the old relationship, and every time I would get sad and I would get down, it was just human nature. After the first session, I started flipping these switches. Instead, when thoughts would come up, and I would either smile, laugh, or say thank you. It was a big switch.

And a huge shift happened where all of those memories —when thoughts came into my head— instead of getting sad and depressed or frustrated, I’d either smile or laugh, because it’s really funny in hindsight once you’re out of it… I’d smile and say “thank you,” it’s a tremendous gift and it took this experience with Mindbloom to really see that.‍

Were there any major insights or important takeaways that came up for you?‍

One of the big insights that stood out was “I am love.” I’m not myself, I’m literally love. I had heard friends saying this before and thought they were crazy, but now I had a feeling of it, and thought “Oh, I get it now.”

There was a feeling that everything, the experience, and my life, were important. That these were all things that were going to level me up. And that’s how I see it now. They are all things that have contributed to me in important ways.

If the version of me 4 months ago was hearing me say this, he’d say ‘”No way, this is not the same person.” From all the new perspectives and insight that I had.

One of the insights I had was that “I am always supported.” I went through all the events and the history of my life and realized that all of these things were for me and they helped me. The self-love stuff has been critical.‍

A Note from Mindbloom: These are beautiful insights, and we’re glad they surfaced for this client. One of the potential benefits from this treatment is having a lived, direct experience of these simple truths, one that lands deep within the mind and body, that you can work with moving forward into life and your integration process.‍

How have things shifted for you since wrapping up your introductory program?‍

Things have really started to shift and surface around true gratitude. Just walking outside and feeling the sun on my face, the softness of my bed, the fact that I can walk, relationships with my family. I was able to turn any adverse event into something that I can be grateful for. Now, when I do my nightly gratitude journal, I know that I’m grateful for myself. Because I’m the one who showed up for this work, and I did this to and for myself.

Another thing that started shifting was that “I get to grow through this,” not “I have to go through with this.” This was a big shift, I became very intentional with my language and how I approached things.

I feel like I’ve grown and done 10 years worth of work in the past few months. I don’t see a situation where I would have grown this fast without Mindbloom, and without the events in my life that brought me here.‍

What would you say to someone considering a ketamine therapy program?‍

For people who are on the fence, I think it’s pretty simple. I’m pretty absolutist – if you did this the right way, you follow the process, you do what you should. If you care about your health and your relationships, you’ll do this. Nothing bad will come from this, I know people have those fears and concerns, and I was unclear as well before my first session – I didn’t know what to expect. There’s nothing to fear, I think the only thing to fear is that if you don’t do this work, you’re selling everyone else and yourself short.

It’s a cheat code to living a happier and healthier life.‍

A Note from Mindbloom: To some, psychedelic therapy can seem like a shortcut, which is powerful. However, the process isn’t always easy. There can be a lot that surfaces throughout the course of treatment. But part of the power is in this act of showing up for yourself, showing up for those you care about, and showing up for the world.

— — —

Each client’s therapeutic experience is unique. Some experiences are more visual, some are more meditative. As this client shared, when you show up for yourself in these experiences, the work can be life-changing. 

If you’re interested in exploring psychedelic therapy further, or want to find out if you’re eligible to work with Mindbloom, start here. 

Here at Mindbloom, we focus on managing and treating anxiety and depression, and the associated challenges that come with them. With guided high-touch therapeutic ketamine programs, many clients are able to achieve the mental health breakthroughs they’re seeking —no matter how great or small.

The story below follows a client’s recent journey through The Basics program here at Mindbloom, as they worked through persistent anxiety and the lived experience that came with that.

As part of the client’s consent to share their story, they asked to remain anonymous. We respect and uphold their desire to protect their privacy. Their story is taken from a follow-up check-in after completing their first course of treatment.

— — —‍

What was your experience and life like before starting with Mindbloom?‍

I had a pretty good life, and still do. I had a lot to be grateful for, and I had been working for many years, on my own and with professional help, to address ongoing anxiety and depression tendencies. On the anxiety side, I would probably put myself as living in a 7-9 out of 10 on a daily basis. Even with medication, I was always on edge. Medication took the edge off, but it was something that I had just accepted that it was going to be part of my life.”

Those expectations and those fears around whether I would meet expectations, that fear was not helpful to me. It didn’t help me achieve what I wanted to achieve, it didn’t help me at work, it was just a wasteful energy that was just always there.‍

A Note From Mindbloom: This was a powerful insight, and the client recognized this in hearing themselves say it out loud. Sometimes, you can come to accept anxiety or depression as just “the way things are,” or “how you were built,” —but it doesn’t have to be that way. Part of embarking on this initial program was the client recognizing there has to be another way, and taking the steps to work on it.‍

How was anxiety impacting you, where did it show up in your life?‍

Anxiety was living a lot in my chest and my shoulders, physically. That was about 60%. The other 40% was the way I was thinking about my future. An important part of anxiety is you fabricating stories about the future that may or may not be true. It felt like I was either trapped in that tendency, or that it was just my natural proclivity. I felt like my natural tendency was to be worried or concerned about things, which turned into overthinking things, and being on edge a lot at work.

The places it was impacting me the most was work, and my long-term relationship. On the work side, I had a very clear goal with my manager to learn how to work within sales. And now, my ability to manage my own expectations, to manage my workloads, they’re not as stressful for me anymore. Some of it is getting more experience, but I can’t help but notice that it was a very clear line in the sand between before the program, and where I am now.

In my personal life, I created a world that is hyper-structured, in an attempt to prevent unknowns from happening. That’s been the first 10 years of my adulthood. Establishing structure to attempt to manage my anxiety, which looking back now, it’s crazy. I spent so long creating a world around myself that prevents me from being anxious. From saving excessive amounts of money, moving to a safer building, keeping my apartment, organizing my stuff to the Nth degree. It’s not because I like organizing, it’s because I want to be in an environment that makes me feel calmer than I really am. And this impacts my relationship, with what my partner can do, where we can live, how we plan for the future.‍

Was there any hesitation or concern about getting started?‍

Yes and no, there was some hesitation. My biggest hesitation was the cost. I had always wanted to do psychedelics, I had been told by many mentors and friends that they had made a big impact in their lives, and I’d read a fair amount that it can be a spiritual experience, it can change your perspectives. What was attractive about Mindbloom was that it’s legal, that it’s very clinical, it’s careful in its approach, it’s dosed carefully. I felt like the whole experience was safe, legitimate, and it’s not like doing something else in the woods with people I don’t know.

Having a Guide who was there to talk me through what the session was going to be like, being very calm, I think that was critical. I did have some jitters going in, but mostly excited to try this new thing. I very carefully followed the prep material, and took the time to sit alone and create a soft space. It was very helpful, because now, having read more about set and setting, it’s very clear that that makes a huge impact.‍

Were there any important insights or experiences that came up for you?‍

On the feelings side, after each session, and during each one, I felt a very deep sense of peace. It felt like it cut through all of the bullshit. Cutting through every other feeling, every other concern, that everything is okay, and that everything will always be okay. Which is a pretty great feeling, that’s the one that cut the deepest, and also the one that I still have to remind myself of.

Another one is the separation of self from narrator. I’m using the language I was taught by my therapist [outside of Mindbloom] — but I think people call it many things. That separation from me as the observer, and me as the narrator of the experience. Huge. It was crystal clear in the experience, but still working to integrate it because I think it’s a massive concept. But also really simple at the same time.‍

Did you notice your symptoms or personal experience shifting throughout the process?‍

[Some symptoms] were definitely shifting as we were going through the program. As far as the feelings go, from being anxious in the body to being rarely anxious in the body. The ketamine itself is a very relaxing experience, it’s hard to separate what was the drug experience versus the psychedelic experience. But I will say, after the sessions and several days afterwards, I was very relaxed. The ongoing lesson and impacts were the changes and deep peace and calm that I had in my brain. It just integrates into your body if you keep attempting to integrate it.‍

You had done a fair bit of work with medication and therapy before this, was there anything that made this experience different for you?‍

There were lessons I had learned in my life, either through therapy or through different books, and maybe I had learned the lesson at one level, and the ketamine brought it down to a level that feels like it’s part of my being. Part of my way of living, way of thinking. In some ways I think ketamine allows you to leapfrog time spent with a therapist. If I hadn’t done that work, I might not have known what needed to be slotted in permanently, but given that I did, it felt like leapfrogging the progress here.‍

Now that you’ve completed the first program, how do you feel, where are you now?‍

I’m still the same person, don’t get me wrong, I’m still a teeny bit neurotic. But I feel in general like anxiety doesn’t dictate my life anymore. Which is a very black and white moment, I had the 7-9 [anxiety rating] on a daily basis, and now I have anxious moments, but I can see the anxiety clearly, and I don’t feel like I’m consumed by it. I can see why it’s coming up, how I’m going to address it, and move on. It doesn’t linger in my body.
‍

On other fronts, I feel like I still have a lot to work through. It wasn’t a cure-all, but it does feel like a really important tool that I’m really grateful is now legal. If used correctly, by large parts of the population, this could change the way our world functions. It could change the way people treat each other, and the world in general. And I’m excited to see where that goes.

What would you say to someone is considering psychedelic therapy for themselves?‍

This is a hard one to answer. I think that everyone should do it. This might sound like a sales piece, but I think everyone should do this, and there’s not a lot of exception. If someone is considering it, they are the one who should do it. I just think there are a lot of people who need a perspective change, if you have the money to do it, you should do it.

— — —

A Parting Thought from Mindbloom

Part of the value clients can receive throughout the program is deeper insight and understanding into their own behaviors and ways of being. Why things are the way they are, why they react the way they do. Armed with this knowledge and insight, you can work alongside your Guide to integrate it back into your life, and make the long-lasting changes that can help address and resolve anxiety and depression in the long run.

Each client’s therapeutic experience is unique. Some experiences are more visual, some are more meditative. As this client shared, when you show up for yourself in these experiences, the work can be life-changing.

If you’re interested in exploring psychedelic therapy further, or want to find out if you’re eligible to work with Mindbloom, start here.